My daughter is almost six, and we just learned that my father in law has terminal cancer. She has a thorough understanding of what cancer is, because my father died of cancer last year. We try to discuss the situation with her, but she doesnt want to discuss it. She is having nightmares, and afraid to leave my husbands and my side. I want to help her grieve and cope in a healthy manner. Should I consider sending her to a counselor, or are there things I can do (more than I already am) to help her work through her pain?
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it sounds like your daughter was/is close to your father in law , and is understandable . yes counsoling would be good if you have tried to explaine it to her
Have her draw pictures of things that upset her. This may help. It is what I use with my daughter and drawing out the situation has helped her many times. From school disputes with friends to the loss of her grandmother.
The other thing is to get her busy. Sign up in some activity with a group. Singing, arts & crafts, etc., this helps get the attention outward and onto something else.
Hi,
I was pretty young when I lost my mother to Cancer, and I wish I had known more about her condition being terminal, I guess that my dad and brother and sister’s assumed that I knew that mom was going to die sooner than later. But her death came as a surprise to me.
My grandparents did not die until I was in my 20’s. By the time my dad got cancer, I was 18, and knew that his death would come about, and was prepared for it.
I was talking with my sister today, and she used to do childcare. She mentioned that my nephew was not shy around strangers, something she thought was a bit strange, that he would go visit her having never met her before, and stayed a week with her.
I don’t know how open a 5 year old would be with a councilor. It depends if your child is shy or not. While the councilor is good at getting kids to open up to them, it might take a while. It might be better to see the councilor yourself, and get tips on dealing with the grandparents death. Something like letting the child know that it is OK to die, it is natural, and that if nobody died, the world would be a very crowded place, with many living here.
Death is not something that many want to talk about. Yet we must all deal with it sometime. I know a lawyer who’s wife hated to go to funerals, and he did a lot of wills, thus many wills where read.
I guess that you need to take it slowly with her, and tell her that you want to find out what is wrong with her, that you are concerned about her sadness, and crying, and nightmares. Tell her that you want to see the happy little girl again. You are sad to see the sad little girl.
Perhaps she is still grieving for her other grandfather, and does not understand that her parents will be around for a long time.
I hope that this helps, I really don’t know what to say, but hope that you can collect some wisdom to help you tell her something that will improve her situation.
Good Luck!
At this point yes, let her see a Counselor. Maybe if she doesn’t want to discuss this stuff with you, she might want to with a stranger. Try having her attend lots of church and maybe that could help her as well. It might help bring her spirits and faith up a bit. I can only imagine what she’s going through. Someone needs to let her know that her grandpa is in a better place resting peacefully. I hope the counselor can help you well enough to help her make those nightmares go away. She’s very fearful of losing you and your husband now that she’s lost her grandpa. As I said, Church and a Counselor will all help. I hope you and the rest of your family the best of luck with this situation. She’s such a young kid still a baby and no one should feel the way she does. Hope all gets well soon!
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